you can't plan passion.

from time to time people get sidetracked with crap in their life. me, being easily distracted, experiences this "sidetraction" (sp?) too often. 1)colorado was my place of choice for the excellent grad program; because i want to work with at- risk youth and health/sport/fitness/outdoor/etc. education. 2)colorado also boasts quite the amount of outdoor activities and adventures, which is what i love and love to do. 3)colorado is probably not where i will be ending up (i just have a feeling). as of now, these are the only 3 things i know for sure in my life and it's extremely hard to look past colorado, which is terrifying. i'm a planner. i enjoy making plans; particularly 5 year ones. i've always had a 5 year plan, scratch that; i've always had SEVERAL 5 year plans (i like to keep my options open). i have no 5 year plan at the moment and it scares me. i have ideas and mini goals of what i would like to do and possible places where i would like to be, but i've been "sidetracked" and i keep getting "sidetracked" and i lose my focus of why i'm here.

however, this might be a blessing in disguise. a friend of mine recently told me that 5 year plans are total bullocks. i didn't agree at first, but after she told me her story and her past life plans and how life never turns out the way you exactly plan and to just "go with it"...i started to think about this theory with my own life and realized, "you know, i think she's right. plans are nonsense." i have not followed one of my many 5 year plans "to the t", yet.

what was the point of me writing this? i'm not exactly sure anymore. all i know is that according to my 5 year plan 5 years ago, i shouldn't be in colorado. but i am now and i wouldn't have it any other way. if i wouldn't have listened to my gut instinct and followed what i truly desired, i wouldn't have been as happy as i am at this moment. there is a reason i'm here and a reason i decided to do what i'm doing and i'm glad i'm doing it. even though, i get "sidetracked" quite a bit, freak out, and think "what the hell am i doing with my life? maybe i shouldn't be here, this isn't the safe path in life.."; i have to remember that when i think about it deep down, this is really what i want to be doing. who knows what will happen in the future or where i'll be, but what does it really matter, as long as i'm doing what i'm passionate about, loving people along the way, allowing myself to "just be", and enjoying life. this is my passion. this is me. and i'm content.